I'm not there yet...But...I'm working on it!

When will I ever become who the Lord wants me to be? When will I finally “get it?” I know at times I can be extremely hard on myself. I feel I am justified in being hard on myself because much of the time I can identify with Paul when he says, “Why do I do the things I don’t want to do and not do the things I should?” I know that there is no condemnation in Christ. I have heard it and read it a million times. I am praying that maybe…just maybe…I am grasping the truth of this. I learned today that there’s a difference between self-condemnation and Holy Spirit correction. Once there is repentance, it is gone!! If there is still extreme guilt it is because Satan is trying to hold me back from experiencing freedom and the will of God.

I praise HIM for his grace and mercy, because without it I would be doomed to hell. I am very aware that there is nothing good within me except the Holy Spirit. This is another one of those concepts that I have heard and believed but not until recently has it become very evident. I am thankful and praise Him for beginning to reveal His Truth to me. I think the difference now is I know that I can do nothing good apart from Him. I know because I’ve tried doing it on my own…it doesn’t work. As much as I hate some of the choices I have made, my heart overflows with gratitude that HE can take those horrible mistakes and turn them into a heart that seeks after Him even greater than before.

As I was writing I began to think of when Jesus healed the blind man in John 9. I thought of him because I remembered that Jesus didn’t touch him and instantly heal him. (I find myself many times wanting a “quick fix” and getting irritated with Him if it takes longer than what “I” would like) HE made mud pies and put them on the man’s eyes. Then HE told the man to “Go wash.” Can you imagine if the blind man didn’t obey?! Or began complaining…”I thought this was going to be easy. How do you expect me to make it to the Pool of Siloam? Don’t you remember Lord…I am blind!!” Think about what he would’ve missed out on!!...a miracle that forever changed his life. Sometimes we expect God to do things instantaneously. Obviously, that’s not always His plan. He will give us everything we need but then we have to take the step and “GO.” It doesn’t matter how bleak or impossible it seems. Be obedient!

I just reread this passage and several things stood out to me:
1. His blindness was not caused by anything he or his parents did, but that the
work of God may be displayed in his life.
2. Jesus spat on the ground and made mud and put it on his eyes, which HE could’ve
just healed him by touching like He had done many times before, but that was not
in HIS plan for this man.
3. After putting mud in his eyes, Jesus said, “Go wash,” and he went. (What if he
hadn’t obeyed? He wouldn’t have been healed! or it would've been delayed...I think that is a lesson in itself).
4. Then, while all (even his parents) were afraid of the Jews and being kicked out,
he stood boldly and declared how he was healed and Who healed him.
5. And, the Jews did throw him out. But when Jesus heard this HE went to find him.
6. Because he was obedient…because he was bold…because he stood up and declared the
One True God, he had a personal encounter with Jesus.
7. He didn’t care what his parents or anyone else said…He knew the Truth and the
Truth set him free!!
8. He not only gained physical sight but the eyes of his heart were also opened.

When I think about who God is and how magnificent, powerful, and loving HE is, I become irritated with myself that I would ever stray from what HIS will is for my life. I honestly don’t get it! Why would I, knowing the greatness of God Almighty…knowing that His plans are best for me…ever chose to do what “I” want to do or chose to do something that pleases others instead of God? This is beyond my comprehension, and yet day after day I find myself making poor decisions. Decisions that please my flesh or others instead of pleasing God. Personally…I am sick of it!! I am overjoyed that I am no longer blinded in this area and am ready to begin letting the Lord work in this area of my life.

HE is worthy of so much more than what I’ve been giving. I am realizing that life is way too short to get caught up in this world and fleshly desires. This world is temporal; we are here today and gone tomorrow. We can’t make a difference in the kingdom if we are overly concerned about how others might perceive something or doing things the way “we” want to do them. It’s time to take it to another level…Let’s…Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. Let’s…not be concerned with what others might think. Let’s…throw everything else aside and run the race He has called us to run. Let’s…begin thinking with eternal eyes. Let’s remember…we can do NOTHING apart from Him!!

Love and Blessings!!